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5 reasons you shouldn't get married

Posted by Unknown | Posted in | Posted on Monday, June 13, 2011



Why should a person get married? A question that has been haunting mankind for generations. That has taken philosphers on a twisted journey to insanity and yet after ages and ages of search we have failed to come up with a viable reason or explanation. Yet another question that follows is; When is the right time to get married? Honestly nothing about marriage is right. There is no right time to give up freedom. But since our species is at the verge of extinction, we don't have a choice..that didnt sound right because that isnt true. But... thats what she said.



Russian philosopher Guandhi once said: "The only way a person can love his wife is by staying away from her. And no one can ever be happily married, true happiness lies in lmfao"


Now i could care less about babies getting married. But since many of my friends are graduating and moving on to the next step it is my duty to make sure the next step that they take is not their last step. I have broken down the process to a simple science. A set of rules that you must adhere to.


Following are the 5 major signs that suggest you aren't ready to get married:


1. No Job Security


The first and foremost thing is Money. Love cant buy food except for in sin city where love is a currency. So until and unless you have a real job, do not make the mistake of taking a leap of faith. Infact even after getting a job do not rush into anything, take some time to enjoy what you earn. Live a little. Where was she when you were studying your ass off. Does sound childish but the facts speak for themselves. Bottom line: Have a job experience of atleast 5 years.




2. No Married Friends


Atleast three of your friends must be married prior to you. Unless you have friends to complain about how your wife beats you everyday, you cannot pull it off. There have been cases of husband suicides and suspicious wife suicides. You need friends having a mutual experience. So you can channel your frustration. You dont wanna end up holding a gun in your mouth wondering what went wrong. Bottom line: Befriend married men or wait for your buddies to jump in the pit.




3. Bachelor Friends


Are you ready to give up your crazy single friends? Because your bachelor friends will be a direct threat to your wife. They could be your best friends but she will always see them as competitors. Women cant handle the idea of their men hanging out, especially with their single friends. If you dont sever contact with your friends expect a severe calamity to befall. Perhaps one day your wife is cooking dinner while you are sitting in the living room holding your crying baby. Your wife is shouting from the kitchen complaining about the neighbour's wife when your cellphone phone buzzes. Its a message from your friend: "The whole gang heading to the club. Wish you could come". Your first instinct will be to toss the baby and jump out of the window. The baby dies, your wife goes to an asylum and you end up in a jail cell. Or if you dont act immediately, you'll hold your emotions until one day you slaughter your family while they sleep. Bottom line: No more single friends.




4. Bad Habits


What are your bad habbits? Do you drink, gamble, watch porn, smoke, pee in bed? Are you a nudist, a serial killer, a stalker, a rapist, a pedophile? Do you like cute little boys? Not anymore you dont! You can bid farewell to all those wonderful things because a pair of judgy little eyes will be on you 24/7. Now there are arguments that it is a good thing giving up such habits, but hey.. you are what you are and you should be loved as a child molester if thats what you are! Bottom line: If you arent ready to compromise on these habits you just arent ready.




5. Not Mature enough


Maturing is the deal breaker. The major field to excel in, If you arent a 'grown-up' you are not fit for marriage. Growing up has got nothing to do with your age. Here are some signs of being mature:

  1. You don't dress "hip" or like a "pimp"
  2. Nobody said the words "grow up" to you in the past 12 months
  3. You can go for more than a week without using the words 'Fuck' or 'bc' in a conversation
  4. You can go for a month without logging into your facebook account
  5. You read the newspaper ever morning
  6. You drink a cup of tea/coffee every day
  7. Everybody calls you by your real name
  8. You either clean-shave your beard or you dont shave at all; no fancy symbols
  9. You sleep before midnight and wake up before 8

So thats that. And in addition to the five signs stated above there a bunch of other factors that suggest a no-go, such as:


  • You have a girlfriend who puts out; the only benefit of marriage is defeated
  • You are already married; so much a man can take
  • You like men; that marriage will be a sham
  • You have a terminal illness; need to enjoy your last days
  • You are a sexist; you'll end up killing her
  • And the list goes on and on..


To put it as simply as possible do not get married if you love your life.. Or if you hate it..


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