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20 signs that suggest you are a psycho

Posted by Unknown | Posted in | Posted on Tuesday, February 08, 2011



Lets agree we all have our fair share of craziness, some unfairly large. We all are weird to various degrees. But how weird, exactly? Weird enough to be branded crazy and avoided? What is the point where we stop being 'funnily weird' and become 'scarily mental'? This abnormality.. Is it what we are? Are we defined by it? Or is it just a small part of us; a minor trait of our otherwise perfectly normal personalities? Don't sweat it, the following test will answer that question.


CAUTION: Proceed only if you are a male. If otherwise, sorry. The content is just too explicit. And ignorance is bliss. But then again you women dont really need a test anyway, do you? If u know what i mean. Just kidding...........or am I?




So following are the 20 signs that suggest you are a psycho. Count the number of signs that you exhibit and find out what the score suggests, at the end;




1. You picture your girlfriend and touch yourself:


Although it might be okay to pleasure yourself off your wildest fantasies while in a relationship. Picturing your girlfriend for the purpose; for the satisfaction of your inner devil is just wrong both morally and ethically. Its just taboo. Thank God none of us does it.... Right guys?




2. Looking at yourself in the mirror turns you on:


People tend to get turned on by a host of weird stuff; Other guys, Animals, Food, Bulildings (by the way if we are talking skyscrapers then the case falls under the homo department) But getting hard looking at youself takes the cake. I am pretty sure this point doesnt require an explanation. Or even if i were to explain, it wouldnt matter coz if you are guilty of this, then you are beyond the point of no return. The rest of you know this isnt normal. You just know it, don't u?




3. You want to kill someone for no particular reason:


Revenge, justice, greater good.. All justifiable reasons for taking a life. Fun, anger, cannibalism, on the other hand, not so justifiable yet reasonable reasons to go man hunting. But if you out of the blue feel a sudden yet overwhelmingly powerful desire to grab a dagger and chop a stranger's head off. Its got to raise some eyebrows, right?




4. You beat children:


Child abuse. Some cultures encourage beating children. Personal problems in many alcohol consuming individuals ocassionally give rise to such situations too. But you might as well write a 500 page explanation of self-righteousness, you will still be a cruel psychotic bastard. Worse, if they aren't even your own kids. Dont you have even the slightest bit of humanity in you to torture such exquisite wonders of nature. To sum it up, if you beat kids. Its righteous to kill you. I sincerely hope you did not check this one, did you?




5. You beat yourself:


Too bad even booze cant take the blame for this. Frustrated of yourself you might hit your head against the wall now and then. Out of regret you can be a bit hard on yourself. Ocassionally, you may pinch and scratch at yourself. But 'beating' yourself for the fun of it? Now when is that justifiable? Right, the answer is: NEVER. Imagine a guy slapping himself and laughing. Not a very healthy scenario, right?




6. You have been planning your wedding:


Unless you were born without a sack, no wait not even that okays having dreams about or worse planning for your wedding. You are a guy. The worlds counting on you. And instead you sit wearing pink pajamas eagerly awaiting the big magical day defying every law of manhood. You might as well take a bubble bath! By nature you are expected to freak out at the idea of getting married. Fear and loath the very suggestion. Basic instinct. The fundamental concept of marriage just isnt right by our book. So are you deciding on the kind of flowers that should be decorating your wedding?




7. You like your teacher:


Like is actually not the appropriate word here. But placing 'the appropriate word' and the word 'teacher' in the same sentence is not very decent. Though the idea is highly intriguing lets get to our senses and make the right call here. IT IS WRONG. You might have dodged the last few signs but this one probably drew the hammer on several counts, right?




8. You have no drug:


The word drug here is of a broad nature, entailing anything that keeps you going, not specifically the "drugs" drugs. But anything that prevents the occurence of a nervous breakdown. The word has a vast meaning and can include; love, sex, marijuana, chocolate, tobacco, sex toys of sorts, sleep, speed, adrenaline, morphine, cocaine, heroine, tears, fights, workouts, sports of sorts,  yoga and a few other admissibles. If you are not a slave to any such 'drug' you are either dead or the walking dead and yes if anythings crazy, its a zombie.




9. You hang out with a psycho:


A person is known by the company he keeps. Sometimes a company includes a mental case. Odds are good, that you got one in your circle of trust. Regardless of whether you are aware of the psycho's true nature the fact that you get along with a psycho brands you of their kind. These creatures dwell so normally in our society that there is no exact way to deduce by their actions their true identities. For all you know, it could be your neighbor, your girlfriend or even your best friend. If you are lucky enough to discover this bitter truth about someone close to you, electrocute him/her/it. And please give the suspect the benefit of the doubt. Dont take action until you are absolutely sure i.e Dont kill me. I am normal. Seriously.




10. You laugh hysterically without a reason:


Some people laugh softly in a very subtle manner, putting in very less amounts of energy. Others are hyper ones; shouting, eyes bursting scaring the crap out of you. Some shed tears and their face flushes red. Like good ol' Mrs. Lathika, no forgetting that crazy teddy bear worshipper. As long as theres a reason behind it no matter valid or invalid, you are on the safe side. Which is 'normal'. If you thought being a psycho is the safe side. You are a psycho! And check! Got you, you tricky bastard!




11. You talk to yourself:


Well not simply talking. In our heads we are constantly communicating with ourselves. But never do we talk out loud. Unless we are rehearsing a speech or alone or really lonely. Its normal. Unless, ofcorse you talk dirty to yourself. Coz believe it or not, thats the deal breaker.




12. You believe you will save the world:


Some people believe their whole life is a top-secret mission where they are constantly saving the world. And one day as the apocalypse befalls the planet earth the whole world will be counting on that one person to out of some heroic act save the whole lot. If you think so, its all in your head. Also you are twisted. If you are actually recieving letters from CIA or mission briefings from FBI. Chances are you have been the victim of a horrible prank and are probably being observed, by means of a hidden camera concealed in your room, as we speak. Take a deep breath. Do not act surprised at all. Get up slowly in a very calm manner and exit the room quietly. Do not waste time packing or saying goodbyes. Head for the airport and hop on the first plane out of the country. You can never go back.




13. You think about killing your family:


Remember how you always think about poisoning your family. Or how you wanna put a pillow over their heads in their sleep. Hang them from the cieling, in a row. Kill them with an axe and bury them in the woods. Set the house on fire. Ring any bells? Yes? No?




14. You fantasize about your friends girlfriend:


Although this is a common disease, yet the fact that it is, does not make it any less sicker than it already is. It is crazy sick. You dont deserve friends. You dont deserve to live. Unless ofcorse you guys have a threesome going on, which is a whole new kind of sick. Or maybe not. Thats is actually less sicker. More hardcore perhaps. Anyhoo, in absolute violation of the bro code you are hereby sentenced to live in brazil for the rest of you life as husband to a Mr. Jumbola, famous for his tool. P.s.That wasn't a typing mistake. Thats right, Not a plural.




15. You don't sleep:


Its past midnight. Outside your window, the streets are empty. The atmosphere is quiet. The sky is dark and gloomy. And inside your room you lie on your bed. Eyes wide open. Not blinking, not moving, lying still in complete silence as time flies by. As the clock strikes 4, 5, 6, 7 and so on you are  just lying there breathing heavily. Until the sun rises and you get up. Breaking news; you are not a human being or not a normal one atleast.




16. You enjoy dressing up like a girl:


If u consume half a dozen viagras and you are the last person on earth and its also your last night alive. Then maybe you can dress up like a girl, if it really makes you happy. But otherwise, no matter how strong the urge, control yourself. Because once you've done this. Theres no going back. Theres no undoing it. Living with guilt and shame is not easy. It is very hard alright!!!




17. You have an imaginary friend:


Having an imaginay friend might be psychotic but its not what you may call wrong or scary crazy. Unless your imaginary friend is you yourself and the friend is always naked.




18. You think about raping your girlfriend:


Guilty.




19. You picture someone raping raping your girlfriend and it turns you on:


Hmmmmmmm...... Right........................... So.......................................... Maybe i can help. sarmed@lostinperdition.com. Anytime, anywhere. Just say the word.




20. You eat human beings:


If you end up on an abandoned island with no source of food whatsoever. And you have gone for as long as 2 weeks. You are licenced to eat anything. Yes go ahead, eat your buddy or your cat or yourself. As long as you dont enjoy it, the verdict is: 'Not Crazy'. Any other situation, the jury states otherwise.


Where do you stand:


<5 :- You are too damn normal which is weird and therefore you are CRAZY. Can't be too careful huh.


5-10 :- You have a stable brain & a clean conscience, your craziness subsists at an optimum level. Congratulations, you are a normal human being.


11-15 :- You are at the edge. Very close to the fine line that divides you and the retarded beings. Tread carefully if you wanna stay out of a mental facility coz madness is like gravity and well, you know the rest.


>15 :- Seriously? You must be really sick. You are a global threat and hence it is necessary that you inform close ones about your "situation" and request that you be held in chains and shackles at all times. If you have no one to do that for you call for help at the toll free number 1-800-KILLMEB4IKILLU.




Post your scores and any details as you please, in the comments below. Don't be shy. A psycho is a psycho only as long as hes a minority.


Feedback & suggestions to sarmed@lostinperdition.com