How to Keep your Relationship from Sinking
Posted by Unknown | Posted in 101, How to | Posted on Thursday, November 10, 2011
Men have very fickle hearts. We fall for different women everyday. On a single sunny day it won't matter. But on a committed rainy day it would mess with your mind; raise doubts, give u second thoughts. Not just this, but various other reasons, compliactions arise which make you re-think your commitment. You might be in love with your partner yet you'd lose interest and that would cause a fracture in the relationship, which gets wider with time and leads to a break-up inevitably.
Many a times, two people who sparked at the beginning end up loathing each other. The fault lies on both the sides. Following are the major factors in a relationship that must be taken care of;
One of the major factors in any relationship is Attraction. For two people to sustain a relationship, two-way attraction must exist throughout. It was there at the start, you wouldn't have gotten involved otherwise, so what changed? If the girl put on a lot of weight and gave up brushing her hair, she clearly doesn't love you, ditch her. If you hit rock bottom; stopped showering and acquired the appearance of a bum, then its not her fault, is it? Don't let your personal issues affect your appearance. Stay fresh and presentable at any point in your life, and that goes for any human being, single or taken. Apart from the physical appearance, another attraction-killer is the attitude. Keeping your charm on is essential. Though Its ok to bitch about your problems to your girlfriend now and then, don't make a habit of it. Don't take every little problem to her. She isn't your wife, not yet anyway. If you keep on talking about your problems, ultimately she'll look for reasons to avoid you. She wants to know your problems, but on a normal level, she isn't your therapist. Suicidal talk isn't sexy, its depressing as fuck.
Another factor is Loyalty. This is also a vital ingredient to the mix. Exclusivity is important to any relationship. Nobody likes sharing their partners. Unloyalty can breed on either side and the consequences depend on the situation. If she cheats on you and then confesses, asking forgiveness, just once maybe you could let it slide.. Depends on what extent she cheated and how much time in and for how long she cheated. You could either forgive her or ditch her, totally up to you. But if you had to find out by other means, there are no second chances, ditch her. On the contrary, if you cheat then you have two choices depending on the situation. Situation: You cheated out of some misplaced judgement or heat of the moment. You regret it. It was a one time thing. You plan to never do it again. In this type of situation do not make the mistake of coming clean. There are a few situations in life where doing the right thing is the wrong thing to do, and this is one of those. If you confess, she may or may not forgive you. Even if she does, she'll never forget it and always hold it against you. She'll smash it in your face in every argument, every fight and she'll always win, that's a guarantee. So if you come to realise that cheating was a mistake that you will not repeat again and you are confident you can cover it up, then do cover it up, bury it and take it to your grave. If there's even the slightest doubt she could find out, take your chances by confessing your sins. Because if she finds out by other means, she'll never forgive you.. you'll be ditched and always be referred to her friends as the horny cheating bastard. If you cheated willingly and don't resolve not to do it again, then ditch her. Plenty of women out there have nothing against cheating, juggle those kind of women.
Another factor is Honesty. Nobody likes a liar. Especially if you are lied to by someone so close, its just fucking hurtful.. If your partner lies to you once in a blue moon, you should consider her reasons. Its possible she lied for the greater good, to avoid a conflict or for some other justifiable reason, which is acceptable. If she lies often, again look into the reasons behind those lies and talk to her about it calmly, showing her how well you handle the truth. Odds are good she'll be more honest in the future. However, if she lies all the time, and for no particular reasons, she is a dishonest sociopath. If that's the case you know what time it is; its ditch o' clock!
On the other hand, if dishonesty is your vice, the same rules apply. If your reasoning is valid and frequency is normal you are doing ok. Just be good at it! If you lie very often, then you are just making a fool out of her. Ditch her for her own sake.
Physical interaction is another chapter of the book. Prior to marriage, physical interaction is at a minimum in the best and the strongest of the relationships. We all crave physical contact and though while in a relationship we might feel entitled to it, we should hold back. Lust plays a very tricky role in the game of love. It has the tendency to confuse us, trick us into falsely believing what we really want is to get physical. We must not let it empower us. Always prioritize emotions above physical needs. Think with your heart not your dick. Or atleast your mind, by understanding my reasoning. Getting physical just won't feel wrong, and that's the trick! Trust me, it'll feel so so right, but not so much afterwards.. the consequences are dire. Once you get physical with your partner, you'll lose all respect for her. It just happens and you'll realise it, you can't deny it. It also leaves a gaping hole inside you, to fill which you'll need to get physical, more and more.. but the hole just keeps getting bigger and bigger. You'll start believing what you really want from her is to fulfill your physical needs and any feelings you have for her will start to fade away. So physical contact is a love-killer. An ocassional kiss, however is allowed if it doesn't do much damage. You can't just keep getting physical any chance you get and then complain about losing interest in her. The power in this matter lies with you. So be a man. A man with rules. A man with principles. A man with limits. Its very improbable that she'll want to initiate physical contact, but if she does, reason with her and she'll understand. If she doesn't and threatens the relationship then ditch her or drill her, just don't expect that relationship to prosper. Apart from physical contact itself, the modern alternatives such as phone sex or sexting have the same effect. Only they are worse, they are outright cheap. How desperate do you have to be to resort to them. Its allowed, however, to ocassionally talk dirty with the idea of a joke. If once in a blue moon, you ask your girlfriend, what color panties is she wearing, that won't do much damage.. If it keeps you from all the physical nonsense, then what the hell! (and don't u dare judge me!!).
Constant Communication is another and perhaps the most important factor. Lack of communication in a relationship just kills. Its fucking brutal. In long distance relationships especially, any communication that there is, is merely in the form of text. All those years of chatting, longing.. turn you into a hopeless romantic. Its very much less productive than communicating in person (face-to-face) but still is better than nothing. So regular communication is essential. But too much communication too has its drawbacks. Get on with your life, don't discuss everything you eat but include your partner in every important aspect of your life and meet-up ocassionally if possible.
Not matter for how long your relationship has been going on, never settle. The rules always stay the same, so never get comfortable. Always keep making efforts to impress her.
Love is one of those things, which have evolved over time, and not in a good way. There was a time when relationships were pure and sincere. Nowadays, thanks to television, realtionships are hollow and meaningless. But everybody has a different perception. I believe a relationship doesn't have to be flaunted, it doesn't have to be ideal as presented on tv, it doesn't have to involve the rules set by the modern movies, it doesn't have to prove anything, it doesn't have to be what all its supposed to be. Just go along and set your own standars. As seen in the traditional examples. Because today's meaning of love that has been devised globally has been corrupted over time, so find your own meaning. I am not encouraging you at all to look for a relationship. It shouldn't be implied, but should result naturally.
These were just a few rules. Love is a motherfucker, its indeed some very complicated shit. There is no handbook on how to do everything when in love. Its about instinct and improvising and luck.
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